Saturday, February 18, 2006

Janet

Janet

Janet jumped out the window on Friday. I was probably the least surprised. Everyone said things like "I would never have thought she could do such a thing!" and "Just goes to show, you can never really know a person."

But I knew she’d do it. I’m amazed more people don’t do it. I blame the air conditioning, personally. IT was probably a lot of things, but the a/c is probably what pushed her over the last hurdle. Probably needed air as much as anything else. You know?

It’s not my place to tell you why she did what she did, but lets just say it wasn’t a woman that made her do it. Oh no. I won’t get into all the details but a guy named Jeff broke her heart, then she got busted for tax evasion and her kid smashed her toe with a hammer on Thursday about 8:45, then th a/c went and that was it. Whoop! Out the window. But it’s not my place to get into the details.

Also her ex-husbands name is Jeffery Charles Burnam, her kid’s name is Emma and the hammer was a Craftsman. But really, talk to the family if you want all the gory details.
Incidentally, she hit the ground traveling 9.8 meters per second squared until such a time that she hit what physicists call "Escape Velocity." Which, by my calculations, was around the 13th floor or so. Then she stopped accelerating. Those pants look good on you, by the way. Are they new? And, so then she hit the sidewalk at 81st and Market Streets.

Oh by the way. They found her nose a block and a half away and it took over two hours to clean up the mess. Two deck brushes. Lots of soap. Do you like these highlights. I can’t tell if I should cut them out or keep them.

1 comment:

Pouge du Monts said...

It took me 2 reads, weeks apart, to realize that I really like this. Cleverly fucked up. I think a smarter man would have a more detailed critique, but I'm sticking with that one.