Saturday, April 14, 2007

Excruciating.

Just trying to get the wheels turning again.


Excruciating.

“– so yeah, it got bad in a hurry. My eyes were – Oh, hey Dave. I didn’t realize you were here.”
“Hey Scott, good to see you. No, I just walked in, had another thing before this for work..”
“Ahh, those things are the worst.”
“Yeah....I’m sorry, I’m Dave. I don’t believe we’ve met.”
“I’m Sarah, this is Alison.”
“Nice to meet you, how do you know Scott here?”
“Oh, we were just sort of talking –“
“About that thing with my eyes.”
“What thing?”
“You remember that thing. With my eyes?”
“Nah, what happened.”
“Alright, uh. Alright. So....”

About six months ago, I went on that trip with Iago and Scully. Up north? Remember? Right before Scully got married. Yeah, he got married. You didn’t hear? To Beth. No, that’s Rachel. The blonde girl with the crazy tattoos? No? Alright. Anyway. We went to North Woods, deep in the... way way back, passed the redwoods up there. No? Alright. So it’s me, Iago and Scully and we went to. No wait. Was Derek there? I think Derek was there. I mean he had to be there, right? Right. No, I know you don’t know. But I’m just trying to think if he was or not. Doesn’t matter anyway. Alright, so the three of us. Or the four of us, I guess Hahaha. We went up to North Woods and shit. And we went hiking to get back to where the beach comes in, there’s that drop. You remember the drop with the tire swing? Yes you do! It’s the tire swing Scully brained himself on. That’s why he’s Scully. He smashed his scull and shit on a redwood while he was on the big tire swing. Right, with the surgery. That’s the time. Anyway. Oh Shit!

“Alex! How are you man?”
“Doin alright.”
“Do you know everyone?”
“Nah”
“This is Sarah, Alison and Dave.”
“What’s up.”
“I was just telling everyone the infamous Eye Story.”
“Cool. I gotta get...”
“You remember that right? I told you about that.”
“Nah, I don’t think so but I gotta...”
“Oh man, best story. Hang on hang on.....

Ok, so, I’ll start over real quick. It was like six months ago, about... No. Was it six months ago, I guess it was in August. So eight months ago. Eight and a half. ... Yeah, I guess it was last August. Remember how goddamned hot it got? Oh jesus. That stupid water rationing was killing me. Don’t water the lawn. I thought the lawn was going to catch fire. Jesus it was hot. So, yeah, anyway. No wait, it was June. Because, Dave, remember we went and saw the Beastie Boys at South by South West and that was in July and this was the week after. Or, wait. Two weeks, so yeah, I guess it was August. Alright, so anyway. Me, Iago and Sculls decide to head off camping for a weekend. Up in the North Woods and we brought, I mean, tons of fucking gear. Right? Tons. Iago brought a fucking snake bite kit. He looked like that chick from Labyrinth. Just covered in supplies and all sorts of garbage. It was seriously like Blair Witch. Scully’s got a compass for some reason, even though we go there all the time and kept telling us which way to go and Derek’s dog – Oh, shit, I guess Derek was there. Derek was there because he brought his dog, Duck with him. No, his dog’s name is Duck. Why would he bring a duck? Where’s he getting a duck from, that doesn’t – OH NO FUCKING WAY!!

“Whatsup Smalls!”
“Oh hey man. How’s ah, how’s it going?”
“Do you know everyone?”
“Nah, I’m sorry man, what’s your name again?”
“Oh, right like you fucking – it, it’s Scott.”
“Right right right. Sorry about that man, been drinking.”
“No sweat, hey this is Dave. Where’d... Nevermind. This is my buddy Dave from way back. I was just telling him the “Eye Story”
“Right, right. Oh hey is that Sarah? I gotta run.”
“OH man just hang on, I’m getting right to the good parts.”

So, right, quick backstory. Me. Iago. Scully. Derrek. Duck the Dog. North Woods. Right by the tire swing. Waitwaitwait. Dave you dick, the tire swing is in the South Bay by Bronco’s. The bar with the bumper pool table. I thought so. I thought you were wrong. So we’re in North woods by the oh shit. I got - you see that? It’s like a little bug bite or something. Damn. It’s all red and shit. That’ll itch later. You ever get those where you just know it’ll itch but it doesn’t right now, but you know it’s going to itch so it’s almost like it itches now or something. Jesus, what the hell bit me? You think they’ve got any of that itch shit? That yellow tube.


Three. Hours. Later.

Anyway. So they had to get Duck to lick my eyes because they’d sealed over from the snake bite. That’s all I’m trying to say though, Steve. If you get one of those snake bite kits, make sure it’s the hypoallergenic kind because that thing will – Oh shit, Eric! No fucking way! I was just telling – was it Steve? Yeah. Steve. I was just telling Steve the eye story. Scott. No, I'm Scott. It’s me. From the record store. With the eye story.

1 comment:

dan said...

This isn't good, Dan.

I know.